Mar 3 2011

Hidden Features of the new iPad 2

Sure, we all know about the iPad 2 having 2 cameras, being thinner, faster, and shinier.  But there were a few other features Steve Jobs neglected to announce during the big hullabaloo.  Being the technology consumer advocate that I am, I have delved deep into the specifications and have found the following lesser-known new features:

–  It will suggest names for your next born.  How do you feel about naming your daughter “Steve”?

– It will keep your wallet cleaned out from any extra money by having you buy apps that make a piano that makes farting noises.

–  It has a great recipe for home-made chicken noodle soup.

–  The Two Cameras can be used to take blurry photos in TWO directions!

–  The faster processor inside can make the Etch-a-Sketch app BLAZING FAST!

–  Did I mention that the Fart Piano is in high-definition Dolby surround sound?


Mar 3 2011

Today in Hitstory – 9…….9……..9…….9….

Today in 1837 Congress increaseed Supreme Court membership from 7 to 9.  To celebrate the number 9, I’d like to hear:

Revolution #9 – The Beatles

9 to 5 – Dolly Parton

Head Like a Hole – Nine Inch Nails

99 LuftBaloons – Nena

Morning Train (Nine to Five) – Sheena Easton

1979 – Smashing Pumpkins

Summer of ’69- Bryan Adams

1999-Prince

Love Potion Number 9- The Searchers


Mar 2 2011

To day in Hitstory – Pennsylvania, not theater-friendly

Today in 1789 Pennsylvania ends prohibition of theatrical performances. The Pennsylvania theater has never fully recovered. So to commemorate all the Amish that could have been thespians, I’d like to hear:

Amish Paradise – Weird Al Yankovic

No More Drama – Mary J. Blige

Anything Anything – Dramarama

Selling the Drama – Live

Philadelphia Freedom – Elton John

Streets of Philadelphia – Bruce Springsteen


Mar 1 2011

Today in Hitstory – The Real Balderik

Today in 0918 Balderik becomes bishop of Utrecht.

To celebrate, I’d like to hear some artists with no hair.

Pokerface- Daughtry

Breakin The Law – Judas Priest

Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor

South Side – Moby

What’s the Frequency Kenneth – R.E.M.

Bullet With Butterfly Wings – Smashing Pumpkins


Feb 28 2011

Today in Hitstory – BURN THE WITCH! BURN HER!

Today in 1692 the Salem witch hunt begins.  If you float your are a witch if you drown, you are innocent.  Here’s today’s playlist:

Black Magic Woman – Santana

Witchy Woman – The Eagles

Do You Believe in Magic – Lovin’ Spoonful

Magic Stick – Lil Kim featuring 50 Cent

Magic- Olivia Newton-John

Magical Mystery Tour – The Beatles


Feb 25 2011

BatDad?

So the title of this post me be a little confusing, but let me explain.

Last night I had a thought (I have those periodically when I stare into oblivion and pretend to think) I went from Brian to “Dad” and someday, hopefully “Grandpa”.  Why are superheros exempt from this process? 

I would read a comic book about BatDad, or AquaDad, WonderMom.  BatUncle could have a battle with CatGrannny and end up playing bridge. 

Why not? 

SpiderStepDad joins forces with The Incredible Uncle and who knows what could happen?!?


Feb 25 2011

Today in Hitstory – Dance Monkey, Dance.

Today in 1751, the 1st performing monkey exhibited in America, NYC (admission 1¢).  To commemorate this Primate performer, I’d like to hear:

Tribal Monkey – The Electric Love Hogs

Last Train to Clarksville – The Monkees

Monkey Business – Skid Row

Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters

Shock the Monkey – Peter Gabriel

Code Monkey – Jonathan Coulton

Welcome to the Jungle – Guns n’ Roses


Feb 23 2011

Today in Hitstory – Tootsie Roll

Today in 1896 the Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.  In celebration of these little candies and their roles in parades across the world, I’d like to hear:

Tootsee Roll – 69 Boyz

Candy-O – The Cars

I Want Candy – Bow Wow Wow

Candy Floss – Wilco

Lollipop – The Chordettes

Bulls on Parade – Rage Against the Machine


Feb 22 2011

Today in Hitstory – Hooray for Fake Bunnies!

Today in 1920 1st artificial rabbit used at a dog race track (Emeryville CA).

To celebrate not having to use real rabbits any more, I’d like to hear:

White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane

Swing the Mood – Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers

Running with the Devil – Van Halen

Run for your Life – The Beatles

Chase the Ace – AC/DC


Feb 16 2011

Today in Hitstory- Subways

Today in 1909 the 1st subway car with side doors goes into service (New York NY).  Which makes me believe earlier cars had no doors.  To celebrate this feat of underground transportation, I’d like to hear:

Anything by the Doors

Subway Train – New York Dolls

Subway to Venus – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Knockin on Heaven’s Door – Eric Clapton or Guns n’ Roses

Sweet jane – Velvet Underground

6 Underground – Sneaker Pimps


Feb 11 2011

Today in Hitstory – Dare to be Stupid

Today in 1983 “Weird Al” Yankovic recorded “Ricky” & “Buckingham Blues” for his debut LP.  Hooray for Al, Let’s hear:

All About the Pentiums – Weird Al Yankovic

Complicated Song – Weird Al Yankovic

Angry White Boy Polka – Weird Al Yankovic

Ricky – Weird Al Yankovic

Bedrock Anthem – Weird Al Yankovic

Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung – Weird Al Yankovic


Feb 10 2011

Today in Hitstory – Streaking in Amsterdam

Today in 1535 12 nude Anabaptists ran through Amsterdam streets.  It’s very interesting that this was recorded as official history, so I’d like to hear:

If I had $1,000,000 – The Barenaked Ladies

Dance Naked – John Mellencamp

Naked Eye – Luscious Jackson

Little Willy – Sweet

Glycerin – Bush

Baby Got Back – Sir Mix A lot

Naked in the Rain – Red Hot Chili Peppers


Feb 9 2011

Today In Hitstory – Frozen Coconuts

Today in 1922 there was snow on Mauna Loa, Hawaii.  In memory of cold Hawaiians, I’d like to hear:

Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow – Frank Zappa

Snow – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Informer – Snow

Let it Snow – Dean Martin

Hazy Shade of Winter – Simon and Garfunkel or the Bangles


Feb 8 2011

Today in Hitstory – I’m Too Sexy

Today in 1992 “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred peaked at #1

To celebrate this oddly amusing event, I’d like to hear:

Sexy Back – Justin Timberlake

I Wanna Sex You Up – George Michael

Do Ya Think I’m Sexy – Rod Stewart (or the great cover by the Revolting Cocks)

Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye (or the cover by Soul Asylum)


Feb 7 2011

Today in Hitstory – Going Wireless

Today in 1915 the 1st wireless message was sent from a moving train to a station.

To celebrate this moving event, I’d like to hear:

Call Me – Blondie

I Just Called to Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder

Marry Me – Train

Live Wire – AC/DC


Feb 4 2011

Quote of the Day – James Thurber

“I’m 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year, I’d only be 48. That’s the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women, for example. I think they deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of 28 and 40. ”
–James Thurber