TSA All the Way!

Bismarck airport is the best way to start a trip. No lines to check my bag and no lines for the TSA. I literally stood at the conveyor belt after the screening to put all my stuff away because there was no wait or line of people.
This is totally opposite of what I will experience in the next several days. There will be nothing but humanity all around me all the time no matter where I go. Armpits and plumber’s smiles as far as the eye can see.
I’ve been on enough of these trips now to home my packing skills. Currently I have a pocket full of q-tips and quarters. That’s really all I need. I’m a simple man with simple cotton swab needs.
The TSA uses these full-body scanning machines. You step into the cylinder, raise your hands, I assume they pass just enough radiation through you to shrink that nasty mole on your back. But what happens after that? I imagine a TSA person sitting in a dimly-lit broom closet looking at screen after screen of person with hands above your head looking at our underwear. I saw an article for a product that was undergarments with messages for that poor TSA person. Some sort of metal-infused ink that would show up over the apparition of the wearer. I should have purchased a t-shirt to wear under my clothes that reads,”If you can read this, you are a TSA Agent”.

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