Rollin’ with no homies

My wife and I are driving on the Bismarck Expressway the other evening.  Our windows are rolled down to let in some air, and we pull up to a late 1980’s psuedo station wagon with it’s windows rolled down and a teenager at the wheel.  Through his open windows blares “You sexy Thing” by the 1970s Brit pop band Hot Chocolate. 

At first I thought my ear had finally given up on a lifetime of loud music and decided to trick me into thinking this lad was listening to a hit from 1975.  I expected some mind-numbing, bass-thumping generic hip hop beat or perhaps a subtle melodic tune by a group with a name like “Mortuary” or “Rigor Mortis”.  Nope.  It was, in fact, “You Sexy thing”.  The kiddo was not making any effort to make it seem ironic or goofy.  He honestly thought he was the coolest guy in the left turn lane listening to the only cassette tape he found in the car after he purchased it from PCP burnout for $120 and a can of Dr. Pepper. 

Dear misguided youth, I employ you to not continue on that mix tape crackling through the tattered Realistic speakers, because it is NOT cool.  You are NOT appearing like the Super bad Godfather of soul that you envision in your Xbox-rittled noggin.  Trust me.  Turn it down, or better, turn it off.  There is still time, because once that cassette tape rolls to “Play the Funky Music White Boy” by Wild Cherry, the damage will be done and no one wants that. 

Save yourself.

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