Jun 24 2010

Happy Birthday Chuck Taylor!

I like your shoes.

Jun 24 2010

Top 5 reasons why being able to speak Klingon should be a valuable job skill.

5.  Star Trek has amazing similarities to accounting.

4.  If your boss says “rInpa’ jaj­vam, De’ vIghaj­nIS” you know they need that report by the end of the day.

3.  There’s no harassment laws regarding squashing tribbles

2.  All organizations should encourage diversity.  If they don’t, then they should feel the wrath of Klingons

1.  Don’t ask, yIghelQo’!

Jun 23 2010

Funky Arabs Show

It’s a sultry summer Tuesday evening.  My beautiful wife and I wander into a Best Western looking over the interstate like friendly gargoyle.  Inside, we are greeted by a sign with an arrow.  Being the lemmings we are, we follow the signs and end up outside a darkened ballroom filled with people wearing peasant skirts, stocking caps, and goatees.  I am pretty sure that was just one person wearing all those at the same time.

We pay our cover charge and enter.  The Live CD is playing and people are mingling, some louder than others, when a man in Middle Eastern garb enters and starts spray painting “F” then “U” then “N” on the backdrop.  He finishes spelling Funky Arabs and they kick off the show.

 A few things I wanted to share about the show—an overly-happy dude wearing a thrift store hat and a shirt that reads, “Quit work, Make music” is enthusiastically handing out skater stickers.

A certain local politician wearing red sneakers (bonus points for you, sir) is dancing with who I assume is his wife, to a song about lying girlfriends.

 It was fun all around, plus on the way home, I got to have an Ice Cream Snicker’s Bar.

Jun 22 2010

Love Bites

I am what science would refer to as a mosquito-attractant.  I was outside briefly and I have dozens of bites, including three right in a row on my foot.  It’s like they lined up at Mosquito Bonanza and got their fill.  I go inside and find 3 more that track me down inside.  It’s not even mosquito prime time yet!  This could be the year I cross the 50% threshold of bites to open skin.  By August, I’ll be a big swollen mound in sneakers

Jun 18 2010

This Day In History—Moon Explosions and the Blues Brothers

Today in history….

In 1178    5 Canterbury monks report an explosion on the moon (only such
           observation known) which is believed to be the origin of lunar crater Giordano Bruno


In 1980 “Blues Brothers” with Dan Aykroyd & John Belushi premiered

 To celebrate, here’s today’s playlist:

“Man in the Moon” – R.E.M.

“Theme from Big Bang Theory” – Barenaked Ladies

“Everybody Needs Somebody to Love” – The Blues Brothers

“Theme From Rawhide” – The Blues Brothers

Jun 16 2010

Father’s Day Advice

Father’s Day is this Sunday.  It is one of my favorite days of the year.  It’s the day that no one asks me to fix anything …for at least a couple hours.

I cannot speak for all fathers, but I can tell you what would make a great Father’s Day.

–  Make sure any children under 8 years old refer to him as “Daddy” and not as “Steve” or “Hey you”.

–  Never under estimate the power of beef.

–  If Dad is wearing a pair of comfy shorts with holes in them, just avert your eyes and know your dad is comfortable.

–  If Dad calls you by your brother’s name, just let it go.

–  It’s the dog’s fault all day.

–  If he likes to golf, insist he goes golfing, if he likes to work on cars, tell him to spend the day in the garage, and if he likes to build things, tell Mom to give Dad wood.

Jun 10 2010

Mr. Know-it-all

There’s no one more interesting to listen to know than a “Know-it-all”.  That person, whether or not they really know about it, will tell you all about anything you talk about.

Recently I was visiting with a new acquaintance about general technology items.  While talking about sending e-mails via a software application, he says, “I really think the best way to do it would be using “Muh All Toe”.  I stop immediately and ask him to repeat that.  He says it again—it sounds like “Muh All Toe”.  It was then I ask, “You mean ‘Mail to’ (referring to the HTML syntax of ‘Mailto’)?”  The guy doesn’t say another word, turns around and doesn’t say another word to me for the rest of the day.  I felt really bad that he was so embarrassed but—as he so eloquently put it earlier, “The point was mute”.  I’d say so.

Jun 8 2010

What I learn by air flight

It never fails that every time I fly I learn something new.  Things like….going on a trip without a pocket full of quarters and Immodium is like going into battle without ammunition.

One trip I learned that ANY bag can fit in the overhead compartment if you push it hard enough.

This time I learned that GPS units in cars are very useful, and a huge pain in the bottom.  It took me 10 minutes to drive from the airport to my hotel when I arrived.  It took me over an hour to drive from my hotel to the airport using the GPS.  I saw the scenic views of Minneapolis/St. Paul, and ended up driving roads only locals drive.  The lesson…..make sure the GPS is not in “Pedestrian mode” before you start driving.

Jun 2 2010

Ice Skating Trick names I’d like to see

The Triple Long Heifer Jammer

The Quintuple Loop Loop Scoop –a–Doop

The Double Gingham

The Super Flint Knuckle Squeezer

The Hungarian Waffle Iron

The Left-handed Girdle Hurdle

The Loon Leap + Triple Frog Spin

The Icetator

Jun 2 2010

How summer vacation has changed since I was a kid.

The first thing that I noticed is that I remember being so bored that I watched TV shows that kids wouldn’t normally watch…like soap operas, old German guys painting on PBS, and  Donahue.  With the advent of Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon, they don’t have to try to find anything amusing, it’s just fun.  I had to wait for Saturday morning for that kind of fun.

Second, back yards now look like small amusement parks with huge pools, trampolines, and jungle gyms fit for schools.  I remember the backyards being pretty barren besides a small A-frame swing set—maybe.  Only kids like Ricky Schroeder on Silver Spoons had trampolines. 

Lastly, there aren’t very many mom’s and dad’s standing on their front porch screaming names at dinner time.  Instead quiet text messages are sent.  Sure the result is the same, but the chorus of voices is missing.  Not to mention the need for naming children so their names are easy to yell.  This is why we have so many kids with long complicated names now.  I think parents would reconsider if they had to yell “Loqueisha” every night.  The saliva expelled on every yell could dehydrate a person in less than 20 minutes!

Jun 1 2010

Asus iPad challenger?

Asus Eee Pad announced. 


Apple must be the cool kid in class.  Remember when the one cool kid in class showed up to class one day in a big puffy vest, within weeks, everyone was wearing a big puffy vest.  The question was never asked, “Hey, cool kid, why are you wearing a puffy vest?”  Maybe his mom made him wear it.  Maybe he was cold?  Maybe his father is a lumberjack?  Who knows.  My dad isn’t a lumberjack.  I should have been wearing music teacher clothes.  Looking back now, I think I was wearing music teacher clothes.   I’m digressing. 

Maybe we need to ask Apple if its father is a lumberjack.