Mar 30 2010

Art installation ideas (a.k.a. why I’ve never received a fine art grant)

– The Bus Bus – A bus travelling around the US with the history of the bus inside including a bus simulator and Morgan Freeman narrating a 10 minute film all about busses.

–  The eBay Society – A display of weird items purchased from eBay along with a copy of the eBay ad.  I would hope to get a fruit or vegetable with a likeness of some religious figure, maybe gum once chewed by Justin Timberlake, or a napkin doodled on by Quentin Tarantino. 

–  The evils of the iPod – A narrative story about how society has grown more and more isolated due to personal entertainment devices.  It would be available only via Podcast.


Mar 30 2010

Stomping out fun one child at a time.

There’s something a little annoying about having to buy stuff you already own.  Unlike buying a car that can be a little exciting, buying a clothes dryer or lawnmower is a gleeless task, unless you REALLY love your lawnmower.  I think this is why I will start applying this to our kids so they don’t get too excited about purchasing anything.  Here’s how I see it going—they will get all excited to buy that new toy and then I will remind them that they need to purchase a plastic alternator for their Big Wheel or their bubble mower they’ve had for 6 years needs to be replaced with another one that looks exactly the same.  Then the fun will fizzle and they will learn the joys of responsibility!  Hey, those bubbles don’t mow themselves.


Mar 24 2010

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you for making the snow blower lonely.

Amen.


Mar 24 2010

Photo of the Day

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I want the person in charge of vehicle lettering in my office ASAP.  Also, tell everyone to only leave their vehicles Dukes of Hazard style until further notice.


Mar 23 2010

Dance clothes

I think it’s a bit funny that some dance clothes have “DANCE” written on it. It is a very specific activity for those clothes. Maybe I should make some sweat pants with the words “Sittin on the Couch” down the leg.


Mar 23 2010

Photo of the Day

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I am Rudy.  I run fast.  I am Horseboy.


Mar 22 2010

Photo of the Day

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It’s sad to see them just throwing out a perfectly good person.


Mar 21 2010

Photo of the Day

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He can only get a girlfriend because he so flexible.


Mar 20 2010

Pic of the day

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The ants are gaining power.  Their Air Force is performing training exercises!


Mar 19 2010

Today in History – D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Today in History—in 1996 Winnie Mandela divorced Nelson after 38 years of marriage.  Here’s today’s playlist:

Just like Jesse James – Cher

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

“She Got The Goldmine, I Got The Shaft” Jerry Reed


Mar 19 2010

Picture of the day

We come in peace.  We will not cause humans harm....bzzzzz

We come in peace. We will not cause humans harm....bzzzzz

The head of the Aliens from the planet “Shure” are here to cause us only reverb and to “Turn it up to 11″


Mar 19 2010

In My Room…..

For the first time since I can recall, I will be home alone all weekend.  Just me.  No nothing.  Don’t worry, I didn’t pull a Jesse James.

The days will be fine.  Me, the dog and the cat chillin with the TV.  At night, I’ll be in the dark corner of the dining room with a small Israeli assault rifle whispering things like “I’m completely safe!  There is no boogieman”  Eventually I’ll cry myself to sleep.  Don’t worry for my safety.  I’ll make sure the safety is on while I sleep and I’ll only use full metal jacket rounds.  No need to over-react.


Mar 5 2010

This weekend…….

My beautiful wife is going out of town this weekend and leaving me at home.  As you know, when the cat’s away, the mouse sits on the couch watching Star Wars. 

I’ve come up with a list of things to do that are usually frowned upon. 

Like:

  1.  Cross-country peeing.  This is where I see how many public restrooms I can visit in one day across the widest possible area.  My college record was 32 in 4 hours.  I’m hoping to break it!
  2. Communing with wood.  I will spend no less than 15 hours in my shop communicating mentally with rough-hewn oak.
  3. Taking a step closer to becoming a cyborg.  I will surround myself with computers and exist only on the internet for 2 entire days. 
  4. Finally getting that neck tattoo of Abe Vigoda in a bathrobe.

Mar 4 2010

Today in History, in 1995 a blind teenage boy receives a ‘Bionic Eye’ at a Washington Hospital

Today in History,  in 1995 a blind teenage boy receives a ‘Bionic Eye’ at a Washington Hospital .  (Also, Today is also the only date that is also a command—March Forth!)  To celebrate the robots rise to power, here’s today’s request:

Mr. Roboto – Styx (of course)

Going Berzerk- Buckner and Garcia

I Robot – Alan Parson’s Project

Bionic Woman Theme Song

Naked Eye – Luscious Jackson


Mar 3 2010

Today in History….today in 1931, “Star Spangled Banner” officially became the US national anthem.

Today in History….today in 1931,  “Star Spangled Banner” officially became the US national anthem.  To  celebrate this patriotic event and to also ponder why it took so long, here’s today’s request:

Lucky Star – Madonna

Kids in America – Kim Wilde

Sister Golden Hair – America

Star Spangled Banner – Jimi Hendrix


Mar 2 2010

Today in History, in 1933 New York NY the premiere of “King Kong”.

Today in History, in 1933 New York NY the premiere of “King Kong”.  To celebrate this gentle giant, here’s today’s request:

Everybody’s got something to hide except me and my monkey

Or

Everybody’s Got a ticket to Ride except for Me and My Lightning – Beatallica (Beatles meets Metallica cover band)

Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters

Shock the Monkey – Peter Gabriel

Jungle Boogie – Kool & The Gang

Jungle love – Morris Day and the Time