Feb 26 2010

Today in History: in 1998 Oprah Winfrey beats Texas cattlemen in beef trial

 I had never heard of this trial, but anything with Oprah has got to be good.  So here’s today’s playlist:

Up All Night – Slaughter

Safe as Milk – Captain Beefheart

Smokin Banana Peels – Dead Milkmen

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

Feb 25 2010

Today in History:In 1982, the Final episode of “The Lawrence Welk Show” aired

To celebrate, here’s today’s playlist:

Bubbly – Colbie Callat

Polka Party – Weird Al

Dani California – RHCP (because it mentions North Dakota)

The Famous Polka – They Might Be Giants

Thank You – Alanis Morrisette

Feb 24 2010

Today in History – Elton John Knighted

Today in 1998 Elton John was knighted.  In honor of her majesty, Elton John, here’s today’s playlist:

Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen

Knight Rider Theme song

Bennie and the Jets – Biz Markie

Can You Feel the Love Tonight – William Hung

Levon – Bon Jovi

Feb 23 2010

Today in History – Pinocchio is released

Today in 1940 Walt Disney’s animated movie “Pinocchio” was released.  To celebrate this major achievement, here’s today’s playlist, honest:

Liar- Rollins Band

Lyin’ Eyes – The Eagles

Beautiful boy – John Lennon

Wild Boys – Duran Duran

Down Boys – Warrant

Feb 22 2010

Today in History….in 1992 Ed McMahon, 69, weds Pamela Hurn, 37

Today in History….in 1992 Ed McMahon, 69, weds Pamela Hurn, 37.  To celebrate,  today’s playlist includes:

Rock the Cradle of Love – Billy Idol

Here’s Johnny – Weird Al

Baby baby – Amy Grant

Seventeen – Winger

Feb 19 2010

Today in History…..in 1985 Canned & bottled Cherry Coke was introduced by Coca-Cola.

Today in History…..in 1985 Canned & bottled Cherry Coke was introduced by Coca-Cola.  To celebrate this fizzy goodness that many folks gave up for lent, I submit these for the day’s playlist:

“Pop Music” – M

“Lust for Life” – Iggy Pop

“Pork Soda”- Primus

“Poprocks and Coke” – Green Day

“Cherry Cola” – Savage Garden

Feb 18 2010

Today in History – Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee wed

Today in history….. in 1995 Pamela Anderson (Baywatch) & Tommy Lee (Motley Crüe) wed.  To celebrate this match made for the ages, here’s today’s playlist:

You Give Love a Bad Name – Bon Jovi

No Rain by Blind Melon(s)

Video Killed the Radio Star – The Presidents of the United States of America

I’m on a Boat – Lonely Island

Feb 15 2010

Top 5 ways you know winter has over stayed its welcome

5.  Even Grandma is shoveling the walk in shorts and sandals

4.  People get angry when you put ice in their sodas

3.  All your friends can identify you by your parka and the way you walk with your head hanging in depression.

2.  Tearcicles everywhere!

1.  Even the weatherman swears during the forecast.

Feb 13 2010

Basketball … and sports?

We are not a sporty family. We don’t have a team, we don’t have jerseys, we don’t have conversations about famous athletes. But the olympics are an exception. We watched the opening ceremony with all the malfunctions and sentences inflected with French words and phrases. Now today I am sitting on the world’s hardest bleachers while Sabrina attends a Basketball camp.
So this is what sporty families do. Huh.

Feb 12 2010


Valentine’s day is around the corner…well actually it’s directly in front of us if time is indeed linear. I suppose that one could argue against that, but for now let’s just say that it’s starring us down like a spoiled 2nd grader in line to see the real santa claus. What was I saying again? Oh yes…Happy Lupercalia.

Feb 10 2010

Spaghetaboutits and other unusual business names

The other night, a sitcom used a restaurant name “Spaghetaboutit”.  I started thinking if there are other business names.  This is what I’ve come up with:


A Disco/Hamburger joint—-the Hamboogie

A Micro Brewery/ CD store—The Beer Canal

Marital Aid / Tropical fish store – Gilldo’s

Liquor Store / Mystery Dinner Theater—Booze Clues

A Quick Copy and Office Supply store – The Copy and Paste

Feb 8 2010

Snow Blower

I’ve always thought that the snow blower felt more like it was sucking the snow, but “Snowsucker” doesn’t say “I’m worth $1500.”

Feb 8 2010

Super Bowly

I did not watch the Bowl of Superness.  I have NEVER watched the Holiest of Bowlies.  I don’t hate football, I just cannot wrap my mind around it.  Maybe the game is just too complicated for me.  It’s OK if people are “Down”, you can say the words “tight end” and you don’t get a funny look, and I just realized that sometimes they are saying “Quarterback” and sometimes they are saying “Cornerback”.  How confusing.  I really think that the Super Bowl was created by the soda, chips and dip companies to make tons of money!  This is their Christmas! 

Maybe they should change the name to “The Dip Bowl”.

Feb 2 2010

Questions and Answers about me!

Q: What makes you laugh?  

A: Nitrous Oxide

Q: What about you would most people find surprising?     

A: I hate balloons.

Q: What accomplishments are you most proud of?    

A: I want to live forever.  So far so good.

Q: If you had one superpower, what would it be? 

A: The ability to cause doubt.  Villains are far less effective if they doubt their abilities or even the need to take over the entire world.  However, if I got to pick super hero names, here’s my  top 7  list:

7. Alu­mi­num Foil­Man and his side­kick Zippy­lock
6. Super Burt Rey­nolds
5. Dic­tion­wo­man
4. Unmo­ti­va­ted boy
3. Clea­ning lady
2. Bun­gee Cord and his part­ner, Flap­Jack
1. Abe Vigoda in tights


Q: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?   

A: At home.  That’s a silly question.                  


Q: Do you have any hobbies? If so, what are they?     

A:  I have no hobbies, but I do have several serious fascinations.                  


Q: How do you relieve stress?   

A: Xanex.                     

Q: If you could enter a racehorse in the Kentucky Derby, what would you name your horse and why?        

A: I will answer this in the form of Haiku

Kentucky Derby

Sure to win the main event

A horse:  “With No Name”


Q: What do you always “put off for another day?”    

A: Procrastination.                    

Q: What was the last movie you saw in the theater? Would you recommend it to others?   

A: I have no recollection of what the movie was, who was in it or even a sliver of plot.  I would recommend it highly.                                                        

Feb 2 2010

Kinds of Girl Scout Cookies

Not familiar with the Girl Scout Cookie varieties?  Here’s the Down Low:

  • Thin Mints: Thin, mint-flavored chocolate wafers dipped in a chocolate coating. Also known as Smack, Crack, The Beavis Butterfly, or Mommy’s Special Medicine.
  • Peanut Butter Sandwiches/Do-si-dos: Peanut butter filling sandwiched between crunchy oatmeal cookies. AKA the cookie for Oreo Addicts who branch out this once a year.
  • Peanut Butter Patties/Tagalongs: Crispy vanilla cookies layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolate coating.  The soft peanut butter is either heaven or just too much peanutbutter for some less deserving people.  Suck it up and deal with the peanutbutter!
  • Shortbreads/Trefoils: A traditional shortbread cookie made in the shape of the Girl Scout trefoil logo.  This is the “I’m on a Diet” girl Scout cookie. 
  • Caramel DeLites/Samoas: Vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolate stripes. These are the ones that seem to vanish first.  These are also the ones I can eat an entire box of in one sitting.  I am fairly sure these cookies have been banned in 12 countries due to their addictive qualities.
  • All Abouts/Animal Treasures/Thanks-A-Lot: : Shortbread cookies dipped in fudge and topped with an embossed thank-you message in one of five languages, including English, Spanish, French, Chinese, and Swahili. These are the cookies you give the grand kids.
  • Cinna-spins Introduced in 2008, Cinna-spins are cinnamon-flavored cookies that come in 100-calorie packs. Cinna-spins are shaped like miniature cinnamon rolls. Retired and replaced by Daisy Go Rounds.
  • Daisy Go Rounds: Very similar to Cinna-spins, this cookie replaced them for the 2009-2010  sale. They are advertised as low fat and also come in 100 calorie packs. They are cinnamon flavored and shaped like daisies.
  • Lemonades Round shortbread cookie with lemon icing. Sometimes referred to as “Sour Monkies” or “Virginia Lemon Crack”.

E-mail hatemail@redsneaker.net

Feb 1 2010

Girl Scout Cookie Sales

T-Minus 1 Week and a handful of days left in the Girl Scout Cookie Sales!

This means I will be wearing down the soles of my sneakers traipsing around door to door pedaling sweets!

Here’s how the sale usually goes.

I knock, because when the girls knock, the mittens muffle the noise. 

Someone might answer the door.  If they do, one of the girls will greet them “Hi, my name is Annie.  Would you buy Girl Scout Cookies?”

The person answering the door drools just a little and then buys enough cookies to not look too gluttony. 

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


Things to NOT say while trying to sell Girl Scout Cookies:

-“My name is Rachael, but I was born as ‘Mark’”.

-“By the looks of it, you must have a stash of cookies somewhere.”

-*sniff sniff* “What’s that smell?  Money?”

-“Let me guess—Just leave the cases of cookies by the back door, ring the doorbell and run?”

-“These cookies are made from the Girl Scouts who don’t sell enough—Please help me!”