Jan 30 2010

Buy Girl Scout Cookies and I’ll divulge something!

Contact me and buy Girl Scout Cookies and for every box you buy, I will divulge a deep dark secret I’ve been keeping repressed for decades. 

e-mail me!  hatemail@redsneaker.net


Jan 29 2010

Top 10 reasons you should buy Girl Scout Cookies

10.  They aren’t made from real Girl Scouts.

9.  If each girl doesn’t sell enough cookies, they have to eat a bug.

8.  You can try the groundbreaking “Thin Mint Diet”.

7.  The Carmel deLites are an aphrodisiac….at least to me they are.

6.  Cookie making elves are communists.

5.  If you freeze them, you can use them as a currency after everyone else ate theirs.

4.  At $4 a box, they are cheaper than most opiates.

3.  The cookies are legal in 49 out of the 50 states!  Damn you Delaware!

2.  My daughters cry when you don’t buy from them.

1.  For every box of Thin Mints you buy, the Girl Scouts will not kill a dolphin.

 

Seriously, Girl Scout Cookie sales have begun.  I have two Girl Scouts who need to sell lots of cookies, so if you are interested in ordering some cookies—-$4 a box

Varieties include:

Caramel deLites (formerly Samoas)
Peanut Butter Patties (Chocolate covered cookies topped with creamy peanutbutter)
Shortbread
Thin Mints
Peanutbutter Sandwich (Like Oreos only all Peanut Buttery)
Thanks-A-Lot – Shortbread cookes with milk chocolate coating on one side
Leamonades-Lemon-flavored numminess!
Daisy Go Rounds- Packs of small cookies

Order now!!!!!!
If you live in Bismarck/Mandan, e-mail me (hatemail@redsneaker.net)


Jan 28 2010

Bumper stickers seen after the Apocalypse

-Your Honor Student was delicious

– Honk if you  are in a vehicle that is easily overtaken

–  My other car is a guy named “Blaster”.

–  I (heart) Bashing in Skulls for Gasoline

– Crazy Gilbert is my Co-pilot


Jan 28 2010

Top 7 Signs the Apocalypse is near

7.  Ugly Betty has been cancelled but Ugly Taylor Swift is still on the air.

6.  The Brangelina Monster is dying.

5.  Keith Richards shed his mangled shell and emerged a beautiful butterfly.

4.  America’s Cougar Strike Force isn’t strong enough to beat off, I mean fight off the teenage aliens.

3.  Without Oprah’s bookclub, the Earth is doomed.

2.  James Cameron is already making a movie about it which will star a computer-animated Gary Coleman as one of the four-horsemen.

1.  The Antichrist, Dakota Fanning, turns 18 in 2 years.


Jan 27 2010

Top 5 rejected names for the iPad

5.  iKotex

4.  iPod Max

3.  iHype

2.  iWantYourMoney

1.  Craptop


Jan 27 2010

Today in History–Thomas Crapper

Today we are commemorating the passing of a great human.  Thomas Crapper died today in 1910.  To mourn his passing, here’s today’s playlist:

Love Stinks – J. Geils Band

Keep Pushin’ – REO Speedwagon

Digging in the Dirt – Peter Gabriel

                “Something in me, dark and sticky

All the time it’s getting strong

No way of dealing with this feeling

Can’t go on like this too long”

Urgent – Foreigner

Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison

Go listen to URL Radio (http://www.urlradio.net)


Jan 21 2010

This Day In History- Lorena Bobbit

Today in 1994 Lorena Bobbitt was found temporarily insane for chopping off spouse’s penis.  To mourn this event, here’s today’s playlist:

“Little Willy” – Sweet

“The First Cut is the Deepest” – Sheryl Crow

“I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’” – Scissor Sisters

“The Penis Song” – Eric Idle (Monty Python)

“Detachable Penis” – King Missle


Jan 20 2010

This Day in History – Bill Clinton

Today in 1993 Bill Clinton inaugurated as 42nd President, so to celebrate this event,

Here’s today’s playlist:

“Let’s Get it On” –Marvin Gay

“Touch Myself” – The Divinyls

“I want your sex” –George Michael

“I want to sex you up” – Color Me Badd

“Short Skirt Long jacket” – Cake

“Burn B*tch Burn”- KISS and Birthday Boy- Paul Stanley just for the lyric “Ooh baby, wanna put my log in your fireplace”


Jan 18 2010

Today in History – Divorce of Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson

Today in History (Besides honoring Dr. King), there was something a little less important happening….like in 1996 Lisa Marie Presley filed for divorce from Michael Jackson in New York.  To mourn this separation of the Pop Super Families, here’s today’s playlist:

“Because of You” – Kelly Clarkson

“Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast” – Wayne Newton

“Makin’ Whoopie” – Eddie Cantor

“The Winner Takes It All” – ABBA

“Wonderful” – Everclear

“You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly “ – Loretta Lynn, Conway Twitty


Jan 15 2010

The Day in History – The Coneheads

Today 1977 Coneheads debuted on “Saturday Night Live”.  To celebrate the Parental Units and consuming mass quantities, here’s today’s playlist:

“Fight The Power” – The Barenaked Ladies

“Conehead Love” — Beldar & Prymaat with Nan Schaefer

“Eep Opp Ork Ah-Ah (Means I Love You)” – Violent Femmes

“Take Me To the River” – Talkingheads

“It’s Alright” – Big Head Todd and the Monsters


Jan 14 2010

This Day in History – The Blues Brothers

Today in 1980 “Blues Brothers” movie with Dan Akroyd & John Belushi opened. 

It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.  Here’s today’s Playlist:

“Do you Wanna Hit It” The Donnas

“Everybody needs somebody” – The Blues Brothers

“I Wear My Sunglasses at Night” – Corey Hart

“Rubber Biscuit” – The Blues Brothers

“But Anyway”- Blues Traveler

“Blue” – The Jayhawks

“The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades” – Timbuk 3


Jan 14 2010

Red Sneaker String Quartet

http://blog.oregonlive.com/washingtoncounty/2010/01/red_sneaker_puts_fresh_twist_o.html

I can get behind chamber music palyed by folks in red sneakers!  That’s a great addition to the Red Sneaker name! 

I think it’s time to hit YouTube to see if there are any performances available to view. 

Music Geeks Unite!


Jan 13 2010

I’m With CoCo

im-with-coco_208

We Albinos must stick together.  If I need to, I could call on some of the other Albino Brothers and Sisters to rally for CoCo!

People like:

Fiona Apple
Nicole Kidman
Prince Harry
Kathy Griffin
Kate Walsh
Dutchess of York – Fergie

That’s just the tip of the alabaster iceberg!
The rally will have to be held in a relatively shaded area.


Jan 13 2010

Rejected Names of Strip Clubs

– The Slippery Gator
– The Burt Reynold’s Experience
–  Bottom’s Up!
–  The Ends Justify the Means
–  Lap Tops
–  The Cranky Yank
–  Sprawl-Mart


Jan 13 2010

This Day in History – The Frisbee

Today in 1957 Wham-O Company produced the 1st Frisbee. To celebrate this major event, here’s today’s playlist:

“Fly “– Sugar Ray
“Fly Away” – Lenny Kravitz
“Round and Round” – Ratt
“Bad Boys” – Inner Circle
“You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)”- Dead or Alive


Jan 11 2010

Happy Independence Day, Chad!

Today is Independence Day in Chad, so to celebrate the festive event, here are a few other songs to commemorate the first names:

“Laid” – James

“20th Century” – Brad

“Angie” – The Rolling Stones

“Beth” – KISS

“Iris” – The Goo Goo Dolls

“Lola” – The Kinks