Oct 30 2009

October 30th Playlist

Today in 1974 Muhammad Ali KOs George Foreman in 8th round in Kinshasa, Zaire—The Rumble in the Jungle.  So to celebrate minor contusions and concussions, here’s today’s playlist:

Jungle Boogie – Kool & the Gang

Jungle Love – Steve Miller Band

Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting – Elton John

Disco Inferno – The Trammps (Burn baby burn for the George Foreman grill)

Mama said Knock you out – L.L. Cool J or Scatterbrain

Africa – Toto

Oct 29 2009

October 29th Playlist

Today in 1982, Car maker John DeLorean was indicted for drug trafficking, and was later acquitted.  To celebrate, here’s today’s playlist:

Back in Time – Huey Lewis and the News

Mr. Brownstone – GnR

Cocaine –  Eric Clapton

Because I got High – Afroman

Cars – Gary Newman

Wheels – Foo Fighters

Oct 28 2009

Top 10 things to avoid so you don’t get the Swine Flu

10.  The Used Tissue Museum.

9.  Groups of people in confined spaces, like prison.

8.  “Sneezy” the clown.

7.  Shaking hands with a classroom of stuffed-up 1st graders.

6.  Paris Hilton—who knows where she’s been?

5.  Hospitals where they “Pray the Sick Away”.

4.  Doorknobs with a visible crust layer.

3. Dentists that Spit-clean their instruments.

2.  Swine Flu Enthusiasts.

1.  Hookers with a wheezing cough.

Brian “H1N1″ Matthews

Oct 28 2009

October 28th Playlist

Today in 1929, the  1st child born in an aircraft in Miami, Fl.  Unfortunately, you’ve already played Slaughter’s Fly to the Angels, so we will try to celebrate with some other songs.

Aeroplane – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Pride and Joy – Marvin Gaye

Love Shack by the B-52s

Eight Miles High – The Byrds

Bennie and the Jets – Elton John

Fly like an Eagle – Steve Miller Band

Oct 27 2009

October 27th Playlist

Today in 1982 China announces its population at 1 billion people plus.  So, to say “Hey” to all those people, I would like to offer today’s playlist:

“China Girl” – David Bowie

“Turning Japanese” – the Vapors

“Everybody Hurts” – REM

“Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)” – Pink Floyd

“Kung Fu Fighting” – Carl Douglas

“Chinese Democracy” Guns n Roses

“Love Is In The Air” – John Paul Young

Oct 27 2009

Overheard in church

At a relative’s confirmation this weekend, the pastor was talking about “Jesus and the Jews”.  A toddler behind us then says to his parents, “I want some juice too!”

Oct 26 2009

October 26th Playlist

Today in 1988 US-Soviet effort free 2 grey whales from frozen Arctic, Barrow, AK.  To remember those tense hours and days, here’s some songs:

“Hobo Humpin’ Slobo Babe” – Whale

“Hold On” – Wilson Phillips

“The Twist” – The Fat Boys

“ Blubber Boy”- Regurgitator

“Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice

“Chillin” – Wale (featuring Lady Gaga)

“Spies Like Us” – Paul McCartney

Oct 25 2009

10 ways to know if you’ve “Switched teams”

1.  You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.

2. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

3. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.

4. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don’t, you know how to fake it.

5. You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.

6. You wouldn’t be caught dead in Hooters.

7. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

8. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.

9. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

10. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

Oct 24 2009

Top Ten Ways to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped

10. The cucumber has left the salad.

9. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

8. You’ve got Windows on your laptop.

7. Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.

6. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

5. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

4. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

3. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

2. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

1. Men are From Mars, I Can See Your Penis.

Oct 23 2009

October 23rd Playlist

Today in 1973 Nixon agrees to turn over White House tape recordings to Judge Sirica.  To celebrate this weird thing to celebrate, here’s the list:

Liar- Rollins Band

It’s Tricky – Run DMC

You Spin me Round (Like a Record) – Dead or Alive

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves – Cher

Read Between the Lines – Aaliyah

Oct 23 2009

10 Things Women Would NEVER Say

10. Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up.
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy
7. Hey, get a whiff of that one
6. Please don’t throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute
5. This diamond is way too big
4. I don’t care what you are thinking; just let me stroke your back hair.
3. Wow, it really is 14 inches!  (Talking about your Craftsmen tape measure, of course)
2. Does this make my butt look too small?
1. I’m wrong, you must be right again

Oct 22 2009

Top Ten Signs You Smoke Too Much

10. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a “cigarette break”

9. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina

8. Your title for the Surgeon General: “Captain Bring-down”

7. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded

6. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap

5. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, “Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts…”

4. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts

3. You smoke during sex.

2. You refer to nonsmokers as “pink-lunged sissy boys”

1. You explain to the nurse that you didn’t realize you were in a “nonsmoking” iron lung

Oct 22 2009

October 22nd Playlist

On this day in 4004 BC, according to the Anglican archbishop James Ussher in 1650, the Universe was created at precisely 8:00pm. Good to know that the universe was punctual.

So in celebration of the creation of matter, here’s today’s playlist:

-Theme song to The Big Bang Theory – The Barenaked Ladies

– God Smack – Alice in Chains

– Ain’t no sunshine – Bill Withers

– Magic – Pilot

– One Thing Leads to Another-the Fixx

– Against All Odds- Phil Collins

– Kick Start My Heart- Motley Crue

– Heat of the Moment- Asia

– Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi

Oct 21 2009

Children’s Books That Never Made It

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad’s New Wife Robert

4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly

12. That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Oct 21 2009

October 21st Playlist

Today in 1861 was the Battle of Balls Bluff, Va.  I didn’t name the battle, I just report it.  So to commemorate this historic event, I offer a list of songs:

-WAR!  – Edwin Starr

– Balls to the Walls – Accept   (editorial note:  Udo Rules!)

– Nutcracker Ballet – Tchaikovsky

– Slip Slidin’ Away – Paul Simon

–  Hangin’ Tough – New Kids on the Block

Oct 20 2009

Top 10 Wackiest Conspiracy Theories

10.  Dinosauroid-like Alien Reptiles are dominating the World

Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift.

David Icke’s –BBC reporter– claims that humanity is actually under the control of dinosauroid-like alien reptiles who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance.

“Evidence” goes from Sumerian tablets describing the “Anunnaki” (which he translates as “those who from heaven to earth came”), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse, fluoridation, and the genealogical connections between the Bush family and the House of Windsor.

Icke theorizes that the reptilians came here from the constellation Draco. Like most conspiracy theories, falsification of Icke’s hypotheses is nearly impossible, but Icke continues to sell books and give speaking engagements based on concepts ranging from the New Age to his political opinions.



9.  Apollo 11 Moon Landings were faked by NASA

Proponents of the Apollo moon landing hoax accusations allege that the Apollo Moon Landings never took place, and were faked by NASA with possible CIA support. Enthusiasts of this theory claim that:

The astronauts could not have survived the trip because of exposure to radiation

The photos were altered: the Crosshairs on some photos appear to be behind objects, rather than in front of them where they should be

The quality of the photographs is implausibly high.

There are no stars in any of the photos, and astronauts never report seeing any stars from the capsule windows.

Identical backgrounds in photos that are listed as taken miles apart.

The moon’s surface during the daytime is so hot that camera film would have melted.

No blast crater appeared from the landing

The launch rocket produced no visible flame.

The flag placed on the surface by the astronauts flapped despite there being no wind on the Moon.




8.  September 11 was orchestrated by the U. S. government

A number of urban myths, alternative hypotheses and conspiracy theories have been formulated to explain the events of September 11th

The U.S., Israel or Iraq government orchestrated the attacks themselves.

The Twin Towers fell straight down, at close to free-fall speed. This is a similar characteristic of a controlled demolition. The dust cloud and its make up are considered un-characteristic of a gravity-driven collapse.

It is often pointed out that no steel building before or since the 9-11 attack has collapsed as the result of fire.

The rubble of the Twin Towers smoldered for weeks after the collapse. This claim is meant to point out that steel could only have smoldered as a result of pre-placed explosives.

Some consider photographic evidence of the plane lying on the grounds of the Pentagon to be ambiguous and unconvincing, citing a visual lack of burnt metal, human remains, passenger’s luggage or seats.

The Pentagon was struck in a newly renovated, reinforced section. Some speculate this location, the west side of the complex, to be indicative of government involvement, noting it as an attempt to reduce casualties.

Flight 77 was able to fly in the direction of the DC and Pentagon area for approximately 40 minutes without interception. This is thought to be unusual given the Pentagon’s close proximity to Andrews Air Force Base.

There are claims that anti-missile batteries at the Pentagon should have intercepted Flight 77.

The FBI confiscated a video, which may have captured the impact, from a nearby gas station attended by Jose Velasquez. This video has not yet been released.


7.  Barcodes are really intended to Control people

Some conspiracy theorists have proposed that barcodes are really intended to serve as means of control by a putative world government, or that they are Satanic in intent.

Mary Stewart Relfe claims in “The New Money System 666″ that barcodes secretly encode the number 666 – the Biblical “Number of the Beast”.

This theory has been adopted by other fringe figures such as the “oracle” Sollog, who refuses to label any of his books with barcodes on the grounds that “any type of computer numbering systems MANDATED by any government or business is part of the PROPHECY of the BEAST controlling you.”


6.  Charlemagne never existed, is a fictional character

Phantom time hypothesis is a theory developed by Heribert Illig which suggests that the Early Middle Ages (614–911 CE) never occurred, meaning that all artifacts attributed to this time period were from other times, and all historical figures were outright fabrications.

One consequence of Illig’s hypothesis is that Charlemagne never existed but is a fictional character. The vast majority of historians believe this theory to be complete fiction, as all cited evidence can be considered circumstantial.


5.  The Truth is out there, on Area 51

The secretive nature of Area 51 and undoubted connection to classified aircraft research, together with reports of unusual phenomena, have led Area 51 to become a centerpiece of modern UFO and conspiracy theory folklore. Some of the unconventional activities claimed to be underway at Area 51 include:

The storage, examination, and reverse engineering of crashed alien spacecraft (including material supposedly recovered at Roswell), the study of their occupants (living and dead), and the manufacture of aircraft based on alien technology.

Meetings or joint undertakings with extraterrestrials.

The development of exotic energy weapons (for SDI applications or otherwise) or means of weather control.

Activities related to a supposed shadowy world government.



4.   Microsoft sends messages on Wingdings Font

The Wingdings Font included with Windows has a history of controversy. In 1992, only days after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that the character sequence “NYC” in Wingdings was rendered as Skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture. This could be interpreted as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City.

Microsoft strongly denied this was intentional, and insisted that the final arrangement of the glyphs in the font was largely random. Various other combinations of Wingings characters are alleged to have special significance by conspiracy theorists, but these results are likely purely coincidental.


3.  U.S. military caused the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami

Popular Arab news services claim the U.S. and Indian militaries deliberately caused the Indian Ocean tsunamis with electromagnetic pulse technology.

Another type of theory bases its claims on oil and gas interests. Others also reason that the technology is at least feasible if not highly probable since research into such technology has been conducted by the military as far back as World War II.


2.  The Nazis had a Moon Base

Esoteric Hitlerists and conspiracy theorists interested in Nazi mysticism and World War II have speculated that the Germans landed on the Moon as early as 1942.

According to other theories it is believed that the Nazis had made contact with ‘half a dozen’ alien races, including the malevolent Reptilians


  1. Kentucky Fried Chicken makes black men impotent

It is sometimes claimed that the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise is owned by the Ku Klux Klan, and the chicken is laced with a drug that makes only black men impotent.

Ironically, the KFC franchise is actually owned by an African-American.