The Tol­tecs, Seventh-century native Mexi­cans, went into battle with woo­den swords so as not to kill their ene­mies. This is how they became known in the his­tory books as “The Warring Woodys”.

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One of my favo­rite things to do every week is do the gro­cery shop­ping. Not just because of all the great labels, but because of the cross-seciton of huma­nity that I witness.…so here’s a list of peo­ple I saw at the gro­cery store that made me smile just a little.
–The guy cove­red in filth buying fro­zen peas and ciga­ret­tes.
–The woman with chil­dren who point at ran­dom things and ask if they can get it. They point at EVERYTHING! Chic­ken Boui­llon, pars­ley, cake deco­ra­tions, Slim Jims, etc
–The per­son rea­ding EVERY label on EVERY pro­duct.
– The divor­ced dad with kids with a cart full of junk food trying to make his kids like him more.
– The lady wea­ring sweat pants with rag­ged seams, pushing the cart full of marsh­ma­llows and a sin­gle can of chip dip.

This is why I like to go to the gro­cery store.

Brian “The weirdo sta­rring at all the cus­to­mers” Matthews

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10. Flying cars. Ever­yone wants flying cars, so let’s get on the stick, Hyun­dai, and come up with one.
9. A machine that will bathe and clothe me, because yes, I am THAT lazy!
8. Grass that will mow itself.
7. Bub­bles for hou­ses. Giant cli­mate con­tro­lled bub­bles around hou­ses or even entire cities to pro­vide per­fect weather whe­ne­ver we want! A meteorologist’s dream.
6. Tele­por­ta­tion. Not just wee­nie tele­por­ta­tion to move peo­ple from one place to another. I’m tal­king poin­ting a ray at something or someone and tele­por­ting it to whe­re­ver you want. This would make moving fur­ni­ture WAAAAY easier! Plus you could deal with that anno­ying uncle with ease!
5. Sil­ver Mylar clothes, not because they look futu­ris­tic, but because I think I’d look hot in it!
4. Crazy loo­king glas­ses. In the future our eyes become so boring, we need glas­ses from Jesse “The Body” Ven­tura meets Star Trek!
3. Crazy names. I think the name “Dale” has an expi­ra­tion date, and it was 50 years ago. I think we need some kids named “Helix”, “Man­drove” and “Saccha­rine”.
2. Robots! Robots! Robots!
1. Com­pu­ters that can think for them­sel­ves and plot to take over the world and then rea­lize they are totally rel­ying on humans for elec­tri­city, so then they start suc­king up!

Brian “Futu­ris­tic” Matthews

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“Did you ever walk in a room and for­get why you wal­ked in? I think that’s
how dogs spend their lives.“
–Sue Murphy

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