Ste­ven Tyler, lead sin­ger for the huge rock band, Aeros­mith, slip­ped off a stage while per­for­ming in Stur­gis, SD. Being the eter­nally help­ful soul that I am, I have a few things for the stage crew to con­si­der adding to their setup rou­tine.
1. Non-slip trac­tion tape. The kind used on porches and bath­tubs. This should help pre­vent future slip­page.
2. A stage rai­ling. Sure it’s not “sexy” or “easy to see through”, but I can tell you when I added these to my kid’s bunk beds, they stop­ped falling off.
3. Ste­ven Tyler is 61 years old. It might be time to get him the Sun­glas­ses with Bifo­cals. So maybe next time he will see the edge of the stage.
4. Mic stand/walker. Take an alu­mi­num wal­ker and strap on a mic stand. The 4 legs will give Ste­ven added sta­bi­lity and you can cover the thing up with more scar­ves.
5. A stage made out of Sham­WOWs. I hear they really absorb the liquid. This should help pre­vent a slip­pery stage in the future. That’s a stage that will make you say “WOW!”

Brian “Trying to help” Matthews

1 per­son likes this post.

Unlike

207 BC: Chry­sip­pus, a Greek stoic phi­lo­sopher, is belie­ved to have died of laugh­ter after watching his drunk don­key attempt to eat figs

1219: Accor­ding to legend, Inalchuk, the Mus­lim gover­nor of the Cen­tral Asian town of Otrar, was cap­tu­red and killed by the inva­ding Mon­gols, who pou­red mol­ten sil­ver in his eyes, ears, and throat.

1862: Jim Creigh­ton, base­ball pla­yer, died when he swung a bat too hard and rup­tu­red his bladder.

1868: Matthew Vas­sar, bre­wer and foun­der of Vas­sar College, died in mid-speech while deli­ve­ring his fare­well address to the College Board of Trustees

1941: Sher­wood Ander­son, wri­ter, swa­llo­wed a tooth­pick at a party and then died of peritonitis.

1998: Every pla­yer on the visi­ting soc­cer team at a game in the Democ­ra­tic Repu­blic of the Congo was struck by a fork bolt of light­ning, killing them all instantly.

2009: Diana Durre, of Cham­bers, Nebraska, died after a 75-foot (23 m) Taco Bell sign fell on top of the truck cab she was in. The pole broke at a wel­ded joint about 15 feet (4.5 m) above the ground owing to strong winds. The sign fell right on top of the quad-cab pic­kup. Diana was mee­ting a Wyo­ming cou­ple to sell them some dogs. Offi­cials said they agreed to meet in North Platte, Nebraska about 1 p.m., “right under­neath the big Taco Bell sign.”

The moral of these sto­ries is—no mat­ter how bad of a day you are having, at least you weren’t crushed by a Taco Bell sign.

Brian “Lucky and Alive” Matthews

Like

Unlike