Cru­ci­fi­xions hap­pe­ned in Rome on Fri­days more than any other day. Han­gings in England also hap­pe­ned on Fri­day the most. In the US, bank rob­be­ries are the most fre­quent on Fri­days as well. Last but not least, Fri­day is also the day when an Ame­ri­can is most likely to die. Why? Well, we are pro­bably out rob­bing banks or at our ree­nact­ment gathe­rings and get either cru­ci­fied or han­ged (or is it hung?)
So, with that in mind, go have a won­der­ful Fri­day!!!!! (Smi­les and Rainbows)

Brian “Chip­per” Matthews

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85% of all land in Nevada is owned by the govern­ment.  The other 15% is owned by the aliens.  What hap­pens in Gar­flunk 5, stays in Gar­flunk 5.

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This week, the URL­Ra­dio inc­re­dibly difficult-nearly impos­si­ble ques­tion of the week is: “What are the names of Stacy’s kids.“
It’s hard to believe, but I have all the ans­wers right here!!!

Top 10 Names of Stacy’s Kids:
10. Flou­ra­nium
9. Grissle Ann
8. #4
7. Jeni­ta­lia
6. Elton John
5. Fluz­zer Du Nub­bler
4. Mr. Pink
3. Curly
2. Knuc­kles
1. Dwee­zil James

Brian “You Are Wel­come” Matthews

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I love a good board game…and one of the fore­fathers of board games is Mono­poly. I’ve purcha­sed this game in so many varia­tions inc­lu­ding but not limi­ted to MC and PC soft­ware and even for my iPod.
I am pretty sure I have never honestly won a game. We either lose ambi­tion at hour 3 or I cheat by sig­ning into the com­pu­ter game as two pla­yers and then sell all the pro­perty from one pla­yer to the other for $1.
Here’s a few inte­res­ting tid­bits you may enjoy.
– Sta­tis­ti­cally, the pro­perty most lan­ded on is Illi­nois Ave­nue
– In 1975, there was more Mono­poly money prin­ted than US currency.
– The lon­gest game was 70 days long (that’s dedi­ca­tion and a com­plete lack of a life)
Now for some unu­sual records…..
– Lon­gest sma­llest game-played on a board mea­su­ring 1 in square-30 hours.
– Lon­gest game pla­yed in a treehouse—10 days
– Lon­gest game pla­yed in a moving ele­va­tor – 16 days
– Lon­gest game pla­yed under­ground – 4 days 4 hours
– Lon­gest game pla­yed in a bath­tub – 4 days 3 hours (I bet they were super pru­ney by the end)
– Lon­gest game under­wa­ter – 50 days
– Lon­gest game pla­yed on the back of a fire truck – 4 days 5 hours

No mat­ter what they say, I’m still the top hat.
Brian “The Iron” Matthews

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About 110 calo­ries are bur­ned in an hour of typing.  Who needs exer­cise balls.…join me for Blog­ging to the Oldies!

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“Bet­ter a dia­mond with a flaw than a peb­ble without.”
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
“He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great dan­ger.”
“In a country well gover­ned, poverty is something to be asha­med of. In a country badly gover­ned, wealth is something to be asha­med of.”
“What a day. The sun is out, birds are sin­ging, bees are trying to have sex with them — as is my understanding …”

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10. Alu­mi­num Foil­Man and his side­kick Zippy­lock
9. Super Burt Rey­nolds
8. Dic­tion­wo­man
7. Unmo­ti­va­ted boy
6. Clea­ning lady
5. Man O’  Wood
4. Won­der Worm
3. Harry, the Dyna­mic Whitt­ler (Arch rival of Man O’ Wood)
2. Bun­gee Cord and his part­ner, Flap­Jack
1. Abe Vigoda in tights

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My Brother in-law and sister-in-law are having a baby today. Well, tech­ni­cally, my sister-in-law is the one admit­ted into the hos­pi­tal and doing most of the “Having” of the baby.
Any way, I was rea­ding some research, because that’s what I do, about babies. I ran across one study that sho­wed that men were bet­ter at detec­ting the smell of new­born babies than women were. I could not find any stu­dies sho­wing that men can’t hear babies crying at night, so I guess there’s really no excuse for pre­ten­ding to sleep through the crying at night. Sorry Jeremy.

Brian “Cry-Deaf” Matthews

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1. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because rea­lity is finally bet­ter than your dreams.”
2. “In these mat­ters the only cer­tainty is that nothing is cer­tain.”
3. “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t mat­ter and those who mat­ter don’t mind.”
4. “Some­ti­mes the ques­tions are com­pli­ca­ted and the ans­wers are sim­ple.”
5. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it hap­pe­ned.”
6. “From the end spring new beginnings.”

Ans­wers: Dr. Seuss: 1,3,4,5 Pliny The Elder: 2,6

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Rus­sell Crowe, David Duchovny and David Arquette all knit.  I’m sure they knit manly things like sword cozies and super­soft holsters.

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If I may quote the sage John Mayer, “your body is a won­der­land.”
Like many won­der­lands, there are parts with which most peo­ple don’t con­cern them­sel­ves. Parts that we look at maybe every­day and refer to as “Nub­bins” or “Thingy”. They have names. Here are a few you might try to work into con­ver­sa­tion later.

1. Popli­teal: the hollow at the back of the knee
2. Phil­trum: The groove down the middle of your upper lip
3. Colu­me­lla: The piece of skin bet­ween nostrils
4. Gla­be­lla: the smooth part of the forehead above the eyebrows

So, go ahead, walk up to that per­son you’ve taken a shine to and be brave. Say, “Excuse me, but you have the most won­der­ful gla­be­lla I’ve ever seen! Would you mind if I took a look at your popliteal?”

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Swine flu is all the rage with the kids now! Those crazy kids and their bee-bop music!
So, I thought I’d pro­pose some new disease names and see what sticks!
10. Grasshop­per Gout
9. Mail-Order Meas­les
8. Fun­nel Mad­ness
7. Gopher Toe­nail
6. Rhino Blind­ness
5. Bra­zi­lian Polar Bear Her­pes
4. Flying Squi­rrel Sinu­si­tis
3. Freeze-Frameritis
2. Dutch Loaf Nasal Fun­gus
1. Tony Danza-rhia
As in, “I can’t join you for lunch today because I have a bad case of Tony Danza-rhia.”
Brian “Suf­fe­ring from Manilow-blood sugar” Matthews

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I would like for ever­yone rea­ding this to pause for a moment in honor of Han­son Gre­gory. Mr. Gre­gory, a quiet man who asked for no atten­tion, deser­ves some recog­ni­tion due to the bounty he has pro­vi­ded to the word. Han­son Gre­gory inven­ted the dough­nut.
The tasty pastry with the hole in the middle has found its way into office kitche­net­tes across this great land due to Mr. Gregory’s vision of deep fried good­ness rings.
So no mat­ter if you are a frit­ter guy or a éclair gal, let’s all say “Thank you” to Han­son Gregory.

Brian “Cake Dough­nut, please” Matthews

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King George III of England, for a period, ended every sen­tence with the word “Pea­cock”.  It is an under uti­li­zed work, but it’s very hard to conjugate.

I pea­cock.

We Pea­coc­ked.

They shall Peacock.

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