My beau­ti­ful wife is going out of town this wee­kend and lea­ving me at home.  As you know, when the cat’s away, the mouse sits on the couch watching Star Wars. 

I’ve come up with a list of things to do that are usually frow­ned upon. 

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1.  Cross-country peeing.  This is where I see how many public res­trooms I can visit in one day across the widest pos­si­ble area.  My college record was 32 in 4 hours.  I’m hoping to break it!
2. Com­mu­ning with wood.  I will spend no less than 15 hours in my shop com­mu­ni­ca­ting men­tally with rough-hewn oak.
3. Taking a step clo­ser to beco­ming a cyborg.  I will surround myself with com­pu­ters and exist only on the inter­net for 2 entire days. 
4. Finally get­ting that neck tat­too of Abe Vigoda in a bathrobe.

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Today in His­tory,  in 1995 a blind tee­nage boy recei­ves a ‘Bio­nic Eye’ at a Washing­ton Hos­pi­tal .  (Also, Today is also the only date that is also a command—March Forth!)  To cele­brate the robots rise to power, here’s today’s request:

Mr. Roboto – Styx (of course)

Going Ber­zerk– Buck­ner and Garcia

I Robot – Alan Parson’s Project

Bio­nic Woman Theme Song

Naked Eye – Lus­cious Jackson

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Today in History….today in 1931,  “Star Span­gled Ban­ner” offi­cially became the US natio­nal anthem.  To  cele­brate this patrio­tic event and to also pon­der why it took so long, here’s today’s request:

Lucky Star – Madonna

Kids in Ame­rica – Kim Wilde

Sis­ter Gol­den Hair – America

Star Span­gled Ban­ner – Jimi Hendrix

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Today in His­tory, in 1933 New York NY the pre­miere of “King Kong”.  To cele­brate this gentle giant, here’s today’s request:

Everybody’s got something to hide except me and my monkey

Or

Everybody’s Got a tic­ket to Ride except for Me and My Light­ning – Bea­ta­llica (Beat­les meets Meta­llica cover band)

Mon­key Wrench – Foo Fighters

Shock the Mon­key – Peter Gabriel

Jun­gle Boo­gie – Kool & The Gang

Jun­gle love – Morris Day and the Time

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Today in History—in 1988 Pon­tiac announ­ces the end of the Fiero auto­mo­bile.  It was a sad sad day.  To honor the mild-mannered Fiero, here’s today’s playlist

Loser – Beck

Black Sunshine – White Zombie

The Dis­tance – Cake

Drive – The Cars

Fast Car – Tracy Chapman

Grea­sed Light­nin’ – John Travolta

I Can’t Drive 55 – Sammy Hagar

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 I had never heard of this trial, but anything with Oprah has got to be good.  So here’s today’s playlist:

Up All Night – Slaughter

Safe as Milk – Cap­tain Beefheart

Smo­kin Banana Peels – Dead Milkmen

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

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To cele­brate, here’s today’s playlist:

Bubbly – Col­bie Callat

Polka Party – Weird Al

Dani Cali­for­nia – RHCP (because it men­tions North Dakota)

The Famous Polka – They Might Be Giants

Thank You — Ala­nis Morrisette

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Today in 1998 Elton John was knigh­ted.  In honor of her majesty, Elton John, here’s today’s playlist:

Fat Bot­to­med Girls – Queen

Knight Rider Theme song

Ben­nie and the Jets – Biz Markie

Can You Feel the Love Tonight – William Hung

Levon – Bon Jovi

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Today in 1940 Walt Disney’s ani­ma­ted movie “Pinocchio” was relea­sed.  To cele­brate this major achie­ve­ment, here’s today’s play­list, honest:

Liar– Rollins Band

Lyin’ Eyes – The Eagles

Beau­ti­ful boy – John Lennon

Wild Boys – Duran Duran

Down Boys — Warrant

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Today in History….in 1992 Ed McMahon, 69, weds Pamela Hurn, 37.  To cele­brate,  today’s play­list includes:

Rock the Cradle of Love – Billy Idol

Here’s Johnny – Weird Al

Baby baby – Amy Grant

Seven­teen — Winger

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Today in History…..in 1985 Can­ned & bott­led Cherry Coke was intro­du­ced by Coca-Cola.  To cele­brate this fizzy good­ness that many folks gave up for lent, I sub­mit these for the day’s playlist:

“Pop Music” – M

“Lust for Life” – Iggy Pop

“Pork Soda”- Primus

“Poprocks and Coke” – Green Day

“Cherry Cola” – Savage Garden

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Today in his­tory….. in 1995 Pamela Ander­son (Bay­watch) & Tommy Lee (Mot­ley Crüe) wed.  To cele­brate this match made for the ages, here’s today’s playlist:

You Give Love a Bad Name – Bon Jovi

No Rain by Blind Melon(s)

Video Killed the Radio Star – The Pre­si­dents of the Uni­ted Sta­tes of America

I’m on a Boat – Lonely Island

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5.  Even Grandma is sho­ve­ling the walk in shorts and sandals

4.  Peo­ple get angry when you put ice in their sodas

3.  All your friends can iden­tify you by your parka and the way you walk with your head han­ging in depression.

2.  Tear­cic­les everywhere!

1.  Even the weather­man swears during the forecast.

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We are not a sporty family. We don’t have a team, we don’t have jer­seys, we don’t have con­ver­sa­tions about famous ath­le­tes. But the olym­pics are an excep­tion. We watched the ope­ning cere­mony with all the mal­func­tions and sen­ten­ces inflec­ted with French words and phra­ses. Now today I am sit­ting on the world’s har­dest bleachers while Sabrina attends a Bas­ket­ball camp.
So this is what sporty fami­lies do. Huh.

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Valentine’s day is around the corner…well actually it’s directly in front of us if time is indeed linear. I sup­pose that one could argue against that, but for now let’s just say that it’s sta­rring us down like a spoi­led 2nd gra­der in line to see the real santa claus. What was I saying again? Oh yes…Happy Lupercalia.

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The other night, a sit­com used a res­tau­rant name “Spaghe­ta­bou­tit”.  I star­ted thin­king if there are other busi­ness names.  This is what I’ve come up with:

A Disco/Hamburger joint—-the Hamboogie

A Micro Brewery/ CD store—The Beer Canal

Mari­tal Aid / Tro­pi­cal fish store – Gilldo’s

Liquor Store / Mys­tery Din­ner Theater—Booze Clues

A Quick Copy and Office Supply store – The Copy and Paste

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